Chosing to TRUST God, on the good days and the really bad days, definitely not easy but so worth it!!

After agonizing over whether I should take Luke into his Pulmonologist for his current breathing issues or his Gastronologist because of the fact that he seems to be throwing up all the time or his Neurologist because of the constant twitching that is going on or just back to his Pediatrician. I decided to call his Pulmonologist first and Praise God he was able to see him this afternoon.

In a nutshell his Pulmonologist basically said that Luke has just caught a nasty bug and that he just needs to get through it. He switched up his antibiotic and added one more neubulizer treatment and told us to add as many vibration vest treatments that we can get in through out the day. He said that if we can get his secretions to settle down than he will stop gagging and that his twitching is most likely caused by the fact that he is so worn out his body is just severly exhausted. He said that Luke is definitely hospital material, but because he trusts us to give him great care at home we can continue keeping him home unless he get's any worse.

To be honest I was ready to take him into the Hospital today, thinking that is what was probably going to happen. I just don't know how many more nights of absolutely no sleep I can take. The only reason I've been able to make it through these last few weeks is because of Natalie and Cindy coming over some of the mornings to help get Luke up and ready for the day and because Gordy has had to take off a few Luke day's so that I can get a few hours of sleep in the morning hours. I will be honest in saying that I HATE sleeping through the morning, I hate the feeling that half the day is just about over when I'm climbing out of bed, but I realize that without those few hours of sleep each morning I would probably collapse from exhaustion.

One of the biggest bummers in all this is that poor Gordy has also been under the weather with coughing, his allergies are horrible this year. In fact he finally made a Dr. appointment today to go see if there is anything else they can do for him to give him some relief from his constant coughing attacks. His Dr. said that his asthma is going crazy because of his allergies and prescribed some more meds to help him get through this season. Bottom line is he has needed to sleep at night just so that he can get enough strength to work during the day, that is why I've ended up taking all the nights lately. I don't think I've gone to bed before 4 am since Dec. 24th.

Earlier today I was going through one of those moments when I began to wonder why God allows Luke to suffer so greatly, why He continues to allow our family to be under such great attack. I know that God is able to heal, I know that He hears our cries when we pray to Him, I know that I have faith to believe that He is able to work miracles, I've seen them happen! So why, why, why does He not seem to hear my prayers for relief from these trials that we seem to face day by day??

Can I be honest to say that I even question on some days whether He really cares, if He really is listening to my cries of desperation or if knows that I need His healing touch for Luke and our family??? Then I make a call to my mom for prayer, she is one of the biggest prayer warriors I have in my life and she shares with me a devotional that she had been reading just this morning about the fact that God does hear our cries and He will answer us in our time of need, we just have to continue to trust Him and to know that He will carry us when we don't have the strength to go on, we just have to be willing to allow Him do that for us.

It all goes back to the big TRUST issue for me, do I TRUST God on those days and nights when I am too weak to go on another minute, do I TRUST that He knows what he is doing in my life, do I TRUST that He loves Luke more than I do and He will bring Him comfort during those times he seems to be suffering so much. It's always seems to come down to that simple question for me do I really TRUST HIM?? I can truly say that I do TRUST Him, I don't always understand why, but I do TRUST HIM, because I know that He loves me so much, I feel His love and His peace wash over me when I take the time to really TRUST Him. I'm thankful for God's presence in my life, I really don't know where I would be today without Him helping me to get through this time in my life.

I hope and pray that you too will accept the fact that Jesus loves you so much and He is waiting for you to accept him into your heart and waiting for you to ask Him to help you to get through that tough thing that you are going through in your life. I pray that you too will learn how to really TRUST God during your time of greatest need, He's waiting with arm's open wide for you to come to Him with your problems and heartache's, won't you please TRUST Him, you'll be glad you did!

Love you so much,
Luke's Mommy Sue