The Battle's Not Yours - It's The Lords!

Recently I heard a song that reminded that the battle of our life is not ours it's the Lords! I have to be reminded of this on a daily basis. There are times lately that I've been sure that somehow I've done something terribly wrong, life seems to be soooooo very hard. With all that's been going on with my back pain, which is horrible and then with Luke who seems to be doing a little better some days and then other days throws up constantly and needs extra oxygen all the time. Just as I wrote those words about Luke throwing up he did just that, threw up again. erk:-( Okay, now I'm back.

I keep praying that once he get's the baclafen pump out his throwing up will stop and his extra oxygen needs will go away. I refuse to live in fear, but can I be honest, this little thought in the back of my head keeps coming up to bite me with these little lies, that nothing is going to get better, oops did I just say that?? Sometimes we become weary in the battle that we are in, have you ever felt that way??

In filling out the pages of paperwork that we needed to fill out to get Luke's waiver process going, which will get him services. I had to go back to past blog posts to remember times that he's either been hospitalized or when he started seeing certain Dr.'s, I could of called Dr.'s offices to get this information, but that would of meant hours of time spent on the phone. All that to say it was a bit discouraging to go back and read previous posts to realize that I'm still asking for pretty much the same prayer requests that I was asking many years ago. 

The reality that I've been having rough nights with Luke for so many years was like a slap in the face, I knew this but reading it was overwhelming. I recently heard a statistic that Mom's with children who have special needs have 10 years taken off their lives.To be honest when I first heard that said I began to cry, not just for my life but for so many of my very good friends. If you know me at all you must know that I don't live my life by statistics or what other people think should happen, my life is in the Hands of God and He and only He will chose the day I die, since I believe it when the Bible says that our days are numbered of the Lord. That said, I realize that we need to be wise in how we spend our days here on earth, the bad choices we make may not shorten our lives but it may make those days miserable to live out to the fullest.

This is what happens when someone is sleep deprived, yes I did go out of the house today wearing two different shoes, oops, have you ever done this before?

Just about everyday I wake and say to myself, "I'm going to get to bed earlier tonight" but the reality of that happening so many nights of the week just doesn't happen. Even nights that I could go to bed earlier end up being way too late, my body clock is so messed up. I'm thankful so very thankful that God is so faithful to renew my strength each and every time I ask him too. But to be absolutely honest it takes a toll on my life, in my family and in my health. I think its so extremely frustrating when I read that people that don't get enough sleep are usually overweight, yep that's me. Enough said, I've always been a person who doesn't like to hear people whine or be a whiner and so I decide that I'm going to make a change, but I realize that in order for me to really make a change Luke needs to start doing better, alarming less, bottom line we continue to need a miracle touch in Luke's body. 

Yesterday while I was cooking dinner this is how I found Luke, he had fallen off the couch. Thankfully he was fine, though it sure did scare me for a few minutes.

I'm thankful that Isaiah was home or don't know how he would of been put back up on the couch, I'm also thankful that though there was a mess to clean up from his feeding tube that his g-tube didn't come out of his stomach.

So I've decided that in ending this post I will repeat what I said at the beginning, The battle is the Lord's not mine. If I really believe that declaration and I do then I need to continue to completely and totally give every one of my extremely hard days to the Lord, I need to give all my worries to the Lord, I need to give my weight to the Lord, I need to give my schedule to the Lord, I need to continue to give Luke's health needs to the Lord. For me it's got to be all or nothing, that's what God requires from me and when I truly do give every single thing over to Him, He is always faithful in pouring out his blessings of strength, joy, goodness and so many other wonderful things. Yes I know that I need to be wise in getting rest when I can, in watching what I eat, in exercising, in so many area's and then God will take care of the rest. 

Love in Christ,
Luke's Mom Sue