Here is a brutally honest review of an extremely challenging and hard month, please try not to judge me to harshly

Sometimes, especially lately I wonder why do I keep this blog going??? I was just sitting down talking to Gordy about it the other day wondering if anyone really ever reads it anymore or is interested in our lives?? Because I think why would they be? We are just ordinary people living our lives like so many of you out there in the world. Then I hear from people that I run into and find out that they are wondering why I haven't posted in awhile or some of them wondering how Luke is doing right now, so I think to myself I guess people really do care, perhaps I should be better about keeping it updated. So that is one of my goals this year, I hope to post more pictures and blog updates, trying to keep them shorter, because I know that when a post get's too long it's hard to keep reading and reading and reading it. Just to warn you this post may be a bit longer than usual because I've neglected posting for so long: - /

December was a very challenging month, to say the least. But perhaps I should go back a week and say that the last week in November was equally challenging. Luke was sick and I was getting over my bronchitis, therefore causing Luke and I to stay home on Thanksgiving while the rest of the family went up to Seattle to visit Gordy's sister Pam and her family that day. It was a very hard day for me to say the least.

The first weekend, I went to a seminar on how to be a better advocate for the community of disabled persons in our county. It was in Olympia, we did a mock Legislature session to see what it would be like to testify in front of a hearing and though I have testified at hearings before many years ago, it was a very good refresher course for me. It was extremely hard to sit and listen to all the tragic stories of people in our state that are losing some of their benefits and services. Our state, like many other states is in a financial crisis, therefore they are having to cut many things out of the budget to make it balance. The saddest part of the cuts is that people will end up in the Hospital's because they are unable to get the health care they desperately need. Long, very long story short it was a very stressful weekend for me. I came home from that weekend with hives all over my body, except on my face, I went to urgent care to find out I was having an allergic reaction to the Amoxicillion I had been on for my Bronchitis, thankfully it cleared up within a few days.

The second weekend we then experienced one of the most terrifying things that has happened in a long time. Friday night the 10th, Luke decided to stop breathing. We could not wake him up or get him to start for a few minutes, we were just about to call 911, when God finally answered our prayers and helped Luke to start to breathe once again. We had been trying a new medication to help with Luke's muscle tone issues and I believe it caused him to relax to the point that he just stopped breathing. It was not the first time we had dealt with him desatting, we had been dealing with it for a few weeks before this, but not to this extreme, thankfully getting him off that med has really helped him to get better in this area of his life.

Needless to say this caused me great panic and some fear, I began to wonder if I could really ever sleep at night knowing that if I didn't hear Luke's alarms we could lose him. I know these fears were irrational at times, but real nevertheless very real to me. To say that this has been a month of very little sleep would be a HUGE understatement. No sleep causes all kinds of problems in our lives, of course it causes foggy thinking, extreme fatigue, depression and for me some anxiety and panic problems. Yep, there you go I'm admitting that I was depressed most of the month, I woke up with some panic attacks, severe stress, lots of crying, not really feeling like celebrating Christmas, pains and aches, all kinds of problems. I've had a few people tell me lately that I'm an inspiration to them, it makes me feel very uncomfortable to think that because deep inside I keep telling myself DON'T think that about me, if you only knew my thoughts you wouldn't think that anymore. I debated long and hard about whether to share these thoughts with you, but decided that yes, you need to know that I struggle just like some of you do with my thoughts and doubts in my life.

I know that God can and will continue to bring me out my depression and that he will continue to give me the strength that I need to continue on this journey that He's chosen for me to go on. For me to lose my faith and hope would be like a death sentence to me, therefore I chose no matter how hard it is and how long this journey lasts not to lose my hope. I will admit that I can not go through this alone, without the prayers and help from so many of you out there I don't know if I would be able to go on. I realize that we are all stronger when we share each others burdens and when we all do our part of lifting each other up in prayer. I guess that is why I'm being so brutally honest with y'all out there, in part because I need your prayers, but also because I want to pray for you if you need prayers. That is one of the greatest parts of being a part of the Family of God we all can carry each others burdens, that is when we are brave enough to share them with others.

Just wanted to let you know that there was many good things that happened in December too, Luke was blessed by the HUGS Foundation with enough money to have 20 Hyperbaric dives. I'm hoping that these dives will help him with his muscle tone issues and with the seizures that he's been having lately. My dear friend Yoli and Juan adopted their precious little Daniel into their family in December, which was a huge answer to prayer. Lily celebrated her 6th birthday. We were blessed to have a wonderful Christmas, full of God's richest blessings poured out upon our family, a delightful weekend full of lots of family, friends, gifts, great food and full of wonderful memories.

Love in Christ,
Luke's Mommy Sue

PS Please keep Santana in your prayers he had back surgery last week and he has been having a hard time recovering from it. Jerry who had a kidney transplant in November suffered an anoxic brain injury during the surgery and is in desperate need of a miraculous touch, along with his wife Brenda and 5 children who all need prayers for strength and continued hope. Noah has been having lots of headaches and weakness lately, his Mito disease is progressing and he is losing more ground everyday. Kehau is pregnant, due in January with her third child, along with Caleb who has severe physical needs, found out that her husband wants a divorce, she needs a miracle in her marriage, Annie a dear friend needs a physical touch from Jesus. Teresa needs a healing touch for her body as she is trying to get over the pneumonia that she has been dealing with for weeks. So many HUGE needs, it's comforting to know that we serve a HUGE God, who hears our cries and answers our prayers.