Monday, September 21, 2009

I'm waiting on the Lord for my strength today:}



So here I sit at my computer wishing like anything I could get up and do some of the much needed chores I need to get done today. My back is out of whack again, I look like a crooked old lady. We are in wedding plans up to our neck, Natalie and Josh's wedding is this Saturday. Tomorrow my wonderful friend Mary and her two daughters are coming for the wedding, I had planned to take them to the fair after picking them up from the airport. Hoping and praying that I will be able to do that with my back the way it is right now. The next day Josh's family begin to come and will continue to come in until the wedding. I am in desperate need of a miraculous touch from Jesus for my back.

Here is Luke flying his kite, he did a great job holding onto it!



I realize its been awhile since I've blogged. We've been very busy, we went camping to the Oregon coast at the end of August and had to come home a day early because Luke was sick. I was pretty sure he had pneumonia, but Praise God the Dr. said it was not pneumonia, only some virus he caught. I gave him a few more days to get better and after 5 days of fever, high heart rate and extra oxygen needs we began an antibiotic. He has been doing better this week. I have the biggest prayer request that I think I've ever had, would you please be praying that Luke will be healthy on the day of the wedding, he along with Ezekiel are going to be the ring bearers. Zeke will push Luke down the aisle in his wheelchair with Luke holding the rings on his lap. It would be so wonderful if Luke was then able to stay in for the remainder of the ceremony. My prayer is that he will be breathing wonderful that day and that my sister will not have to take him out.

Here's some honesty for y'all, as you know this blog is my journal of our journey that began 5 long, anguishing years ago, I have been struggling with some extremely deep depression this year. I'm pretty sure it began during the beginning of the year when Luke was so sick and I would sit by his bed each evening hoping and praying that he would get through the night to see another day. Something about hitting the 5th anniversary of his drowning accident has been excruciatingly hard. Then knowing that Natalie is getting married, which I'm so very happy about, though at the same time knowing that some of my help is leaving me, is so hard.

I know, that I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, but many days lately I feel like I'm losing my hope. There is a verse in the Bible that say's hope deferred makes the heart sick, my heart feels sick. Don't worry I know that I will not stay this way for long, I can't it goes against my very nature, I know that God will bring me up and out of this pit, He's done it before and He will do it again. I often feel guilty for feeling this way because I know that I have so much to be thankful for and because I know that if I truly gave this to God He would change it. Why am I telling you all of this, why share my deepest hurts with people out there in blogland, why am I being so honest with you all??? My deepest desire is that by sharing this with you out there that once again you will pray, but that is not the only reason, I know without a shadow of a doubt this is a season I need to get through and once I do I will be stronger, able to pray for others going through the same feelings with empathy and compassion. I also know that God takes us through fire to refine us and draw us closer to Himself and knowing this gives me strength and hope knowing that I can pray with faith for those that are on this same journey.

I leave you today with the scripture I have been quoting a lot lately: Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord. Psalm 27:14 I'm waiting on the Lord for my strength. Hope you are too:}

Love in Christ,
Luke's Mommy Suzi

65 comments:

Sigrun said...

It is hard to acknowledge and share these things.
I am assured that our Lord hears our cries.
You are a light of Christ to me.

Anonymous said...

Sue, You have been walking a path no mommy ever thinks of walking, and you have walked it well. I know, as you do, that God will again work miracles on your behalf. I pray that God will give you joy, unspeakable, unexplainable, laughing out loud, joy. May you have peace and good sleep.
Blessings my friend!
Kris Boisen

Rachel E. said...

I'm praying for you & for this coming Saturday. I have definitely been there before, not in terms of having a special needs child, but in those utterly weary, down-and-out times when you desperately need the break that never seems to come.

Thank you for inspiring all of us to continue to seek the Lord even through your toughest times. I hope to grow to have faith as strong as yours some day! Much <3

Teena said...

Oh Sue...waiting is so hard...I do not walk in your shoes but I do understand waiting on God to answer.I grow weary... When I went to a conference last month she said when we have a sustaining longing that isn't affected by mood or circumstance and God hasn't answered that our hope gets deferred but... To hang on.. Don't give up b/c God is up to something.Ps.38:9

Praying for you...for this week, the wedding, your back, Luke's health... That God will give you an extra measure of grace...

Hugs & Love
Teena

Anonymous said...

Dear Lady , depression can not be avoided sometimes . If you can tell yourself , that although I welcome a miracle , I will take care of my son no matter what . And if a miracle should occur , all my work made it possible . Your depression will gradually leave . If anyone deserves a miracle , it is your son Luke , and your family . Miracles do happen , but right now , You are your sons miracle .

Teena said...

Wow reading the comment above... "You are your son's miracle" I sat here starring at those words! YOU are, you know?

Thought of you lots yesterday...wondering how you are holding up... How everything went.

HUGS & Love,
Teena

Janeen said...

I have been praying for your back to heal since your last post...and that you were able to enjoy the wedding pain free!! I truly hope your family was able to celebrate a joyous day together and that Luke was well enough to be a part of it all.

Wishing God's blessings on all of you!

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