Thursday, June 30, 2005

I'm thankful for God's forgiving power

Here’s an update to let you know how Luke is doing. We decided to call his Pulmonologist last Friday and ask him to put Luke on a very strong antibiotic that has to be inhaled through a nebulizer machine. He has been struggling with his oxygen levels for so long and his heart rate has been going crazy, so Gordy and I felt that he just hasn’t gotten over the infection that they found in his lungs when they took out his trach. I know that you are all praying for Luke and I would ask you to please pray that he will once and for all get all this infection out of his lungs and that he would begin to breath normal again. It would be so awesome to a have a whole day of quiet breathing.

He continues to amaze us with how alert he is becoming, yesterday when he had to go into the Hospital for a new G-J tube, because the other one was leaking, he had a look of pain as the nurse tried to get an ivy line into his foot. Though it broke my heart to see such a look of pain, it also gave me tears of joy, because a few months ago he would of not shown that emotion on his face. Please pray that now that he has a new tube put in he will stop throwing up when we feed him through his G-tube, which goes straight to his stomach. He also continues to get better head control, just yesterday at his PT appt. he was put on a little bike and was able to hold his head up while be pushed on it with little help, he seemed to really enjoy the ride. His PT was so pleased at the bend that she was getting in his right leg, continue to pray that he will bend both legs without any help.

Last week was a busy week for me I decided to go to a Christian Conference called the Jesus Ministry Conference. Basically, teaching us how to hear God’s voice better and helping us learn more about what Jesus did in His days on earth and showing us that when He left to go back to Heaven that He left us with the Holy Spirit to give us power to do even greater things than He did while He was here. It was powerful. One evening Daniel went with me and God really did an awesome thing in his life during the prayer time afterward. Gordy was an awesome Dad staying at home with the boys, he realized that it's almost impossible to get anything accomplished besides the care of Luke at times.

For me it was a powerful time of healing. I’ve really struggled with being able to forgive myself for Luke’s accident. As you could probably imagine having a child drown in the back yard is something that is so hard to get over because you know it might of been prevented. All the questions that I’ve had go through my mind, the only ifs: If I would of never bought the pool, if only the cover had been on the pool, if I had only allowed Gordy to take it down before we went on our vacation as he had wanted too, if I had only known he was awake as I thought he was sleeping when it happened. You get the picture, I could go on and on. Anyway the thought that I could forgive myself has almost been impossible to believe, but on Saturday during a prayer time the Lord really did a great work in my heart, I truly began to believe that I can forgive myself and felt something literally break during our time or prayer. Only those that have had children go through something like this can even begin to understand the feelings of pain that I’ve gone through this last year and I know without a shadow of a doubt that God is able to heal my heart just as he is slowly healing Luke’s brain and body, now I just have to believe that I too will be able to continue what I believe began on Saturday with forgiving myself just as God has freely forgiven me.

Our family will be spending the 4th of July with my sister and her husband in Eastern Washington. Please keep us in your prayers that our trip will go smoothly and that Luke will stay healthy. We want to wish you all a happy 4th of July!

Love in Christ,
Luke’s Mommy Sue

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sue, you don't know me but I've prayed for Luke since his accident.

I was curious if anyone has suggested giving Luke acidopholis or a form of probiotics since he is taking so many and so strong of antibiotics?

The times when my son has been on antibiotics they have helped his stomach stay settled and my dr. said they helped to put back the good bacteria that antibiotics kill.

You ARE a good mom. You and your family and your young man are in my family's prayers.

Blessings,

Lisa

lockwoods said...

Sue-

Praise the Lord. I am so glad that God met you there at the meeting you went to. I think it is way harder to forgive ourselves than anyone else. God is just so good!

It is so wonderful to hear that Luke is holding up his head so well! And sad as it may be, that he is responding to discomfort (the IV). I wish I could have seen him on that little bike! We will pray that God just zaps that infection once and for all! And for his eating - I didn't realize he was still throwing up. Will pray about that, too. I second the question about acidophilus...

I hope you all have a wonderful 4th! You are held in our thoughts and prayers, and more importantly, in the palm of the Kindest, Most Powerful, Neatest, Most Loving, Most Awesome Person Ever!!!!!

Love,
The Lockwoods (Mark, Amy, Elijah, Tabitha, Joanna, Josiah, and Chloe)

Anonymous said...

I've been reading and keeping up with all your posts since the beginning and I was deeply moved by your disclosure about your own personal healing! First, I can't imagine what it would be like to be in your position and I thank-you for sharing the feelings. Second, I think this is the first time you have published your feelings. This disclosure and the relief of discovering your forgiveness is so incredibly encouraging to everybody reading this. The pain must have been unbearable! Your healing is just as important as Luke's. Thank-you for sharing and giving everybody reading this hope for forgiveness from all those pains we build up through our lives and carry as burdens! There is light! There is forgivness!

Bless you and I pray for peace in yours and your familys' life!

Anonymous said...

Sue, I am so happy to hear that God is working on the healing of you. We have heard so much about Lukes wonderful healing, but the healing of your heart is so much harder. God is good, and faithful. He will finish this good work he has started in you.
Love, Selina

Jenni said...

Sue, thank you for being so honest about what you have gone through and the process of healing the Lord is taking you through. I am a mommy and I know how badly my heart hurts when one of my babies truly is hurt, but what you have been through truly surpasses any feeling that I have struggled with.

I have a thought about what you have shared. You had made mention that God you pray that you can forgive yourself just as God has forgiven you...May I be so bold as to say that I don't believe that God has had need to forgive you? I don't believe that you did anything wrong Sue.

Look at Job. He was just going about his daily routine, working, being a dad, and God-not satan allowed that destruction to come to Job. I am sure that Job thought day and night, what have "I" done? What could have I done differently? Maybe if I hadn't worked the kids so hard, they wouldn't have been in the field and I could have saved them. We don't really know why God allowed this destruction to come upon Job and his family but we do know that God Himself had His hand in it. Job's had two options, to bless God or to curse Him. He chose to bless God and look what happened.

I think it is so easy to bless God for the things that we consider blessings and to blame satan for the rest.

What about the lame child in the New Testament? The people asked, "who sinned?" and Jesus' response was that noone had sinned. But he didn't really give a firm reason while the child was that way.

I don't believe you have sinned Sue. When something has happened to us that causes us pain we want to put the blame somewhere, somehow it makes the circumstance easier to understand.

You are a good mommy Sue, and obviously God thinks so too because he has opened your womb and given you SEVEN beautiful children, he sees you as a capable mother and nurturer to these blessings and everyone of them will go through their lives and be a blessing to those around them. Your children are blessed to have a mother as nurturing and careful and loving as you Sue.

Bless you today Sue! May God's love fill you with peace and you can rest in Him. Psalm 18

Anonymous said...

Sue,
What a blessing to read your update especially since we haven't been able to connect. How exciting about Luke's continued progress- I find the bike story especially exciting. What a huge praise that the Lord really touched you in a mighty way and began healing your heart. We continue to stand in the gap with you on behalf of little Luke and your whole family!! Love to you all! Council Bluffs Mary :) P.S. Can't wait to hear a wonderful account of your 4th of July weekend!

Anonymous said...

Hello Sue, I forgot all my info on the blog and can not get it signed in...but it is me....Julie. I was so glad to read that God has been moving in your heart. I pray that God will keep moving in your life as you walk in knowing that he is your Father God. Luke, You are doing so good. I am so sorry that you were in pain the other day yet I am glad that you can express that. You have a good 4th and ask Mommy to give you a little watermelon. We are praying each day. Love and prayers, Shane, Julie and Chidlren

Teena said...

Dear Sue, thank you so much for the update. I am praying for Luke and will continue to pray for him.

I am so thankful you were able to go to the conference and the Lord showed you HIS forgiveness... I am praying you are able to just let it all go. YOU are a great mom, and LOVE your children so much. It shows!

Hooray for Gordy and watching the children!

Have a great 4th of July~
we love all of you~ tell Luke, Wyatt & Wesley say hi!

your GA friends,
Billy, Teena,Michael, Mandi, Dakota, Alyssa, Wyatt & Wesley

Anonymous said...

Dear loved ones,
Paul wrote of God's plan to give the Gentiles an equal share in his inheritance:
"When I think of the wisdom and scope of God's plan, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will give you mighty inner strength through his Holy Spirit. And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust in him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love. And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love really is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it. Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
Now glory be to God! By his mighty power at work within us, he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope. May he be given glory in the church and in Christ Jesus forever and ever through endless ages. Amen."
Eph 3:14-21 New Living Translation

Sue, by His "glorious, unlimited resources" may you be given the strength to deal with the deep hurt within you. He will heal you, as you continue to chose to bless and not curse Him.
Love,
Laura from Tacoma

Gordy AKA Luke's Dad said...

Lisa asked about acidophilis and yes, we add acidophilis to Luke's food because of all the antibiotics. Thank you for asking, you never know what tips someone will suggest that we have not heard about.

Loni said...

Sue . . . For all the "what if's", my husband encourages me with this often (and you might have to remind me sometime too) . . .

Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

Said God!

~~Loni