Sunday, January 01, 2012

Happy 2012 I Hope And Pray This Year Brings Many Miracles!

It's 4:30 am on January 1, 2012, yep I'm still up, haven't gone to bed yet. Luke keeps coughing, alarming, coughing, and alarming, so I keep running back to his room to suction him and just when I think I'm finally able to go climb into bed, he cough's and alarms again. It's a vicious cycle, the more I suction him, the more he needs to be suctioned, but if I don't suction him he struggles to breath as he's full of major secretions tonight. I too have been in a horrible cycle lately of not being able to sleep at night, I can't remember the last time I was in bed before 4 am. Even though tonight is so rough, I do know that he is getting better believe it or not, he's not needing anywhere near to the great amount of oxygen he was needing a few nights ago.

This past week has been very challenging to say the least! I guess I could say this past month has been very challenging, then again I know I could say this past year has been extremely challening at times. When I stop to think about 2011 it brings to mind many good memories, but it also brings many horrible memories. As most of you may recall Luke began the year spending a week in the hospital close to death with pneumonia, after that week he has struggled off and on for the rest of the year with many more cases of pneumonia. In April he was diagnosed with Bronchialectasis, which is the widening of the bronchial tubes, at that time his Dr. told us that he would probably need to spend more time in the hospital and eventually end up with a trache. Thankfully we haven't been back to the hospital, not that it hasn't been suggested quite a few times, but we have chosen to keep him at home during those times of major sicknesses because even though it is very hard on me, it's definitely easier on Luke and the family to keep him home where he is so much more comfortable.

The other night we were playing a game and I was complaining a bit because of a move that Amy made that basically made it so that there would be no way that I could win the game, I was not happy. If you know me at all you know that when I play a game I play to win, I've always been a bit competitive, some of my family and close friends would say that I'm very competitive! That said, I asked my family if they thought I was a complainer and they all said that I do complain if I'm losing while playing games, but they didn't think I complained much outside of playing games, though they didn't say that I didn't complain ever.

I've been thinking about the bad habit of complaining since that night. I know that I don't enjoy being around people that complain all the time and I sure don't want to be known as a complainer, so I've decided that I'm going to try really hard to be better about not complaining at all. It's so easy to feel sorry for myself, especially when I don't get enough sleep and it is usually when I'm tired that I complain the most. To be completely honest I find that I complain to myself in my mind, more than I express those complaints out loud for all to hear, that is the dirty habit that leads me often to a place of self pity and depression at times. With God's help I'm determined to make a change in my thoughts this year, by trying not to complain outloud or to myself, this is just one of the many new year resolutions I'm making to myself this year.

I hope and pray that this year will be a year of great miracles, that is not just words I write but it is something that deep down inside me I have the faith to know God can do!

Love in Christ,
Luke's Mommy Sue


Michelle said...

Hi Happy New Year Sue and all your family. Thanks for writing, even when you are tired and feel defeated. We care about you and about Luke and I'm always happy to hear what's up, even if times are difficult. I'm praying that this year brings better health and more rest for you!

Michelle & girls

Virginia said...

I came here from Leyda's caring bridge page. Your story really touched my heart. I have an 8 year old boy and he has big brown eyes and long lashes just like Luke! Praying for peace and healing, love and refreshment this year for you all!

Anonymous said...

I hope Luke will feel better soon and that you will be able to get some sleep. I know you home school your kids but have you ever thought of looking into the public school system for Luke? He would be able to meet with Physical Therapists and Occupational Therapists as well as various teachers, etc. You would also be able to get some sleep during the day while he is at school. Just wondering if you've considered this... All the best to you and your family in 2012.