Monday, October 17, 2011

So many tears shed today, for so many reasons

Today was one of those days that I would just as soon forget. It was a hard day, really hard for many reasons. Partially because I was/am exhausted, I can't remember the last time I have slept for more than 3 straight hours. I didn't get to bed until after 4 am therefore I slept in a bit to get a few hours of sleep, hating the fact that my day was partially over when I finally rolled out of bed. It was a beautiful sunny day so I did go for a short walk, which actually only brought a little bit of pain to my knee, yahoo I'm getting better. After a walk and shower I had to hurry to get Luke to his Dr. appointment on time arriving 3 minutes late, I was so glad they didn't make us reschedule it.

Luke and I waiting to be called back to see the surgeon
The surgeon we saw today was the same surgeon that put in Luke's trache and j-tube shortly after his near drowning accident 7+ years ago. He didn't remember Luke, didn't really expect him to after so many years. We talked about the pro's and con's of Luke getting his gallbladder removed. He was very inconclusive on whether we should proceed with the surgery. On the one hand many people have gallstones and never even know they are there, therefore they never even think about taking out their gallbladder. On the other hand the majority of children that have gallstones usually get their gallbladder removed so that they don't have problems with them at a later time in their life. I asked him if it was his child what would he do and he said that he would probably take out their gallbladder, that said he wasn't sure if that was the right answer for Luke.

The Dr. said that because of Luke's neurological and respiratory problems it's not expected that he should live a long life therefore why should we put Luke through what could be a dangerous surgery because of the sedation process. He said this as if we hear it all the time, he even mentioned to me I'm sure you've heard this before and if you haven't then Dr.'s are not being honest with you. Nothing like throwing a huge dose of reality in my face. I realize that this is a totally true statement according to man's belief's, but I serve a Mighty God who does not listen to what man has to say, His ways are not our ways. And even though I don't doubt for a single second that Jesus is able to reach down right now and heal every part of Luke, it still hurts to hear this said about my precious child. Just imagine hearing these words said about your child or about yourself, it hurts more than you can comprehend.

After our appointment with the surgeon I had a long talk with Luke's pediatrician over the phone about what he thought we should do. We basically came to the conclusion that we should probably move ahead with the surgery, because if Luke does have a gallstone come out it could cause him major problems and because he is unable to tell us where he hurts we won't know it's his stomach giving him pain until perhaps it would be too late. Though before we move ahead Luke Pediatrician wants to consult with his Pulmonologist to get his opinion on what needs to happen before Luke is ready for surgery. More appointments, erk.

On a happier note, Luke is doing so much better today, he didn't need any extra oxygen today, which was a huge step in the right direction. Tonight has also been better, not even close to the same amount of alarming and suctioning, Praise God. I'm also very close to being just about done getting together all the food for the retreat, which is a huge relief.

PLEASE, pretty please pray with me about Luke getting completely over this sickness so that I can feel good about leaving him at home with Gordy this weekend, because to be honest the thought of leaving Luke this weekend is not something that either Gordy or myself is looking forward to. Also please pray for Tiffany's son Kyle who was admitted in the hospital today with some major problems going on. It's Tiffany's home that we will be staying at for the retreat and is vitally important that she is able to be with us there of course.

Thank you,
Luke's Mommy Sue


Kehau and Brandon said...

Sue! Iʻm so sorry that you had to hear that from the dr. I hate when drs are so negative and yes, not every dr is like that! Itʻs been awhile since weʻve seen a negative dr that is so blunt! Standing in faith with you, sister and always praying for our little miracles! xxxx

Tiffany said...

Oh Sue...I just wanted to clonk that surgeon on the head for you!!! As if ....oh, fill in the blank...there are too many heated things running through my mind, but the bottom line is, what is the best for LUKE? Forget about how long this doctor "thinks" he's going to if any of us are promised a single day more! What a hard decision, without the scales tipping definitively in one direction or the other. Will be praying for wisdom, peace, reassurance, hope and REST for all of you.