Sunday, August 28, 2011

Keeping it real, as I share my honest thoughts today

My emotions are torn in two today, on the one hand I LOVE every minute I get to spend with my precious Luke man, on the other hand I think that he would be so happy to be in heaven today, running around, laughing, playing, singing, talking. . . It breaks my heart to see him suffer as he does, not able to tell me what hurts, not able to get up and play with his brothers and sisters, not able to sit, walk or talk . . . I recently read a book about how wonderful heaven is and it made me realize once again that we should look forward to the day we will go there, to think about no more pain, no more sickness, no more tears, it really does sound heavenly doesn't it?

Thinking about the fact that we've been walking this road for 7 long years on Tuesday, is overwhelming. I know that I'm physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausted, this past month has been extremely hard. Imagine seeing your child suffer day after day, to battle the thoughts in your head each and everyday about your child progressively getting worse, to know that without a touch from God your child is never going to get better. I know that is not faith talking, I know that God is bigger than any health problems that Luke is experiencing, I also know that faith is believing what we cannot see, I know God gives us the strength we need each and every day, I know these things, I just can't seem to live them out right now.

I also know that the only reason that we have Luke today is because of the powerful prayers that we have all prayed. The only reason our family stays as strong as it does is because of faithful prayer warriors that have never stopped praying for Luke's healing or for our family to continue on this journey that we've been on for so many years now. Words can not even begin to express our gratefulness and thankfulness by your faithfulness in keeping us in your prayers so often. I'm humbled each and every time I hear someone tell me that they still pray faithfully for Luke and our family. THANK YOU, you are more appreciated than you can begin to know.

Love in Christ,
Luke's Mommy Sue


Michelle said...

Boy oh boy, I vacillate in and out of that emotional space. I know for Emily I feel the same. However, I try not to think of the years gone or the years to come. Sounds difficult but I really do have to stay in the moment. If I don't then I think about all the vacations I haven't had (its been years now), all the places I can't go, people I can't be with, etc. Sounds very selfish to want all those things, but I'm just like anyone else, and I do want them. But when I start thinking about how difficult life is and dwell on it then I get sad. So I can't.

Today we are relaxing, letting the cool breeze come through the window, watching movies on TV, and laughing at little things. Emily is satisfied that I'm in the room with her. When I'm feeling tired I think about the days in the future when I won't be able to share even these trivial things with her.

Praying you will feel God presence with you and Luke today!

Love Michelle & girls

pam said...

Dear Sue,
I know that there is no one who would want to walk in your shoes. I also know that there are many, many people who wish they could carry some of your load. I hope that when things weigh heavy on your heart you will remember all of us who love you dearly. Who keep you, Gordy, Luke and all of the family in our hearts and prayers every day.
Love, Pam

Anonymous said...

It is so hard to know what to say, because I do not know what it feels like to be where you all are. I do know that God hears you and he loves Luke more than any of us can fathom and he loves you and Gordy and your whole family. He told us that we are to pray, to believe and keep on and He will do the rest. But I also know that it is ok to let Luke know that going to be with Jesus is also ok. I have watched so many people as they approach their end of life hold on until someone says, it is ok, you can go home. I know that is not an easy message and I only say it because Heaven is his home, this earth and this body is temporary not eternal and perfect, without pain, without tears.
I continue to pray for Luke, for you Sue, for Gordy, and Daniel, Amy, Natalie,Isaiah, Zeke, and Lily that God will continue to abide with you and strengthen you and keep you. marge

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your honesty. I pray God's will for Luke--healing here on Earth or complete healing in Heaven. I pray away the guilt of wanting your son to be whole and with Jesus and I pray comfort and strength for all the time your blessed with him on Earth.

Teena said...

Sue, it is good to keep it honest. We are here.

I wrote out a long post but lost it....

I have not walked in your shoes but I often catch myself asking God why in my own difficult situation. I think He can handle my whys... and He still loves me just the same. Last week I was crying out to Him b/c the last 6wks have been amazing. Peaceful. I am so thankful. I didn't want it to end... this weekend He gave me 5 more days... He is bigger than I can imagine. If I jump ahead to sept 3rd... my heart races and anxiety sets in. When that day gets here He will give me the grace for that day... hope this makes sense... I know to some it will not.

We are still praying... never stopped for 7 yrs.

Have you heard the song Stronger by Hillsong. Please look it up. Listen to it over and over. When I am alone in the car.... it is also on my blog....

Much love,