I Have So Many Tough Questions Right Now, With No Easy Answers!

I sit here tonight knowing that I should be in bed right now, I'm tired, discouraged and ready for a miracle from God. For some reason coming up on the 5th anniversary of Luke's accident has been extremely hard for me. I so desperately want Luke to be improving, I want to see him walk, but I would love to see him even move on his own again, I would absolutely love to hear him talk again, or hear him laugh, I would love to see him sit up, but would also just be glad to see him hold his head up without falling down, I would love to see his knee's bend again and for him to be able to sit without falling over all time. You get the picture, I don't need to go on.

I wish someone could tell me how to go on without the pain in my heart that I feel when I see other kids laughing and playing, when I see families going on bike rides together or for that matter going anywhere without having to take along all the equipment that Luke needs just to survive. Ok, I realize some of you out there are saying, get a grip Sue, you have a good life, you have a wonderful husband that works hard to supply all your families needs, plus extra's to make life easier, you have wonderful daughters that help you out on a daily basis, you have other family and friends that help whenever you need them to, you are able to go on trips and vacations and the list goes on and on . . . . Ya, you are right I'm so blessed, so why or why does my heart hurt so bad, why can't I just except what God has allowed in my life and count it all joy, as James says to do in the Bible???

We are at a cross road, we need to start making some hard and I mean really hard decisions about our future. We will need to move sometime soon, Luke gets more challenging to carry each day, I don't want to move, we are comfortable, period. We probably will need to start looking for a new van that is wheelchair accesible in the future. We have scheduled an appointment for a trial for a Baclafen pump, which would help Luke's horrible muscle tone issues and perhaps finally help him to be able to bend his legs again. I wonder at times if Luke is having seizures and if he should be put on a seizure medication, I personally don't want to go down that road, but do we need to??? We are in the midst of planning a wedding for Natalie and Josh, so many decisions and details to plan for, along with the thought of losing Natalie's help at home when she moves out is overwhelming at times, don't get me wrong, I'm so happy that she is getting married, but I will desperately miss her help, she has such a servant's heart. So many tough questions, no easy answers.

Bottom line I need your prayers and support, I'm sorry if that sounds selfish when I know so many other people also need them, but I also know that we serve a huge God. I know right now Pastor Bryan needs a miraculous touch from God as he is not doing so good right now during his journey through suffering with cancer, my friend Denise is going through chemotherapy right now and is suffering sickness and all the ill effects that it causes, Samuel Lockwood is back in the hospital down in Mexico, with whopping cough, while his parents are so lovingly and sacrificially giving of themselves to share the gospel, Noah has been in and out of the Hospital lately with some unknown infection that is just not going away, Mia almost died last week from pneumonia complications and needs our prayers right now as she is still in the PICU and the needs go on and on. . . I'm sure you could add your own urgent prayer request, I would be willing to pray with you if you do share it. Any words of wisdom or encouragement would be greatly appreciated and of course your prayers are desperately needed right now, thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart thank you, I don't know where I'd be right now without you all.

Love in Christ,
Luke's Mommy Suzi